


Sugar, He's Goin' Down

by CloudMonsta



Series: Cloudy's Headcanon AU Oneshots [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Lapdance, M/M, Strip Tease, actually really proud of this whoops, also laughing bc this is my first fanfic I’ve posted in years oh goodness, happy birthday daichi, mentions of: asahi noya and tanaka, mentions of: asanoya being super married cause they’re babes, siseja I hope you’re happy you big dweeb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 14:39:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2696618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudMonsta/pseuds/CloudMonsta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been about ten years since graduation, and Daichi is a cop now; Suga’s taken up a position as a chef and dabbles sometimes in baking. They’ve lived together for a few years, and have fallen into a comfortable rhythm. And did I mention it’s Daichi’s birthday? DaiSuga, established relationship, listen to Fall Out Boy’s Just One Yesterday when the italicized lyrics start for the best reading experience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sugar, He's Goin' Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Siseja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siseja/gifts).



> Christmas gift for my lovely Siseja, who was just *dying* for a DaiSuga fic of a lapdance to FOB's song. Naturally, as I'm a huge dweeb, I was all "I can make this happen." *whispers* this is the year of perfect ridiculous christmas gifts I hope you love it Siseja bc it's adorable and so are you. Beta help from my lovely Emsy, who I normally beta for! Thanks babe <3

Daichi had expected Suga was planning something for his birthday for a while now. Suga had recently been secretive about the _weirdest_ of things…

 

About a month before Daichi’s birthday, Suga had started taking a class in the evenings. When Daichi asked about it, Suga had avoided the topic by looking away and offering him the potatoes. When he pressed, Suga simply claimed that “it’s embarrassing” with a light blush, and Daichi let it slide. He figured he’d learn about it in time, and he knew Suga had recently bought some workout clothes, so he didn’t think much of it.

When he offered Suga to join him at the gym that weekend for a pickup game of volleyball with his squad, Suga quickly agreed, saying it was a pleasant surprise and he’d missed playing. They had joined the neighborhood association, but the group wasn’t able to get together for games as often as Daichi and Suga would’ve liked. And even then, it wasn’t always volleyball they would play. It was good to have friends amongst their neighbors, though, and a game of soccer or football wasn’t too bad every once in a while.

They certainly weren’t as amazing at the game as they had been when they were younger and in high school, but they had a good time.

 

About two weeks before his birthday, Daichi walked into the kitchen with his reading glasses on to ask Suga about something that had shown up on the bill. Pausing at the door, he smiled fondly as he found Suga listening to some popular boy band and swaying his hips to the beat, mixing a cake batter together. It was a surprise, the song one he didn’t recognize, but Daichi simply placed his glasses on his forehead, leaning casually against the doorway and enjoying the show. Suga was the epitome of terrible dancing, completely off kilter from the beat and tapping his foot to some rhythm only he could hear.

Suga turned around with a particularly wild shake, his eyes closed, but when he opened them a moment later and noticed Daichi, he nearly dropped the bowl. Flushing, Suga stilled while Daichi chuckled deeply.

“Having fun?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Daichi, you surprised me! I nearly dropped the batter,” Suga scolded, setting the bowl down onto a nearby counter. “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering about what this was from, here,” Daichi shook his head at Suga’s antics, but easily returned to the matter at hand, slipping his glasses back onto his nose and pointing to a line on the bill. “What was that from? I can’t recall for the life of me.”

“Silly Daichi, that was Asahi and Nishinoya’s wedding present,” Suga chuckled, pointing it out. “Remember, we pitched in for a vacation trip, since they didn’t get to take one right away and had to delay it? It was Tanaka’s idea to give it a ridiculous code name on the account.”

“Ahh, that’s right,” Daichi nodded, scribbling a note next to the line “Operation Get ‘Em Laid.”

“Tanaka’s group gift, asanoya,” he muttered to himself as he wrote. Once he finished, he turned around and started to leave the kitchen before pausing, narrowing his eyes and listening intently.

“You alright there, Daichi?” Suga asked curiously, returning to pour his cake mix into the pan.

“Are you listening to this Fall Down Kids song on repeat?” Daichi wondered aloud, his brow furrowed.

“It’s Fall Out Boy!” Suga laughed, licking the spoon clean. “And shut up,” he added, throwing the newly cleaned spoon in the general direction of the back of Daichi’s head as he turned around. “Go back to your boring paperwork and stuff.”

“Hey, I do this stuff so you don’t have to!” Daichi called back teasingly, catching and tossing the spoon underhand back to Suga, who dodged it and let it slide across the counter. When it slipped easily into the sink, Daichi grinned and cheered, “Score!”

Suga just laughed and ushered him back into his office.

 

It was a week before his birthday when Daichi got up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water, and found Suga missing from his side of the bed. Shrugging it off as a midnight piss, Daichi ignored it and sleepily made his way into the kitchen. Pouring himself a glass, he leaned lazily against the counter, yawning. He stared blankly into the living room as he drank his water, turning around and putting it in the sink without really registering what he was seeing.

As he rinsed out his glass, he realized something, and quickly turned back to look incredulously into the living room, where Suga was sprawled out across the living room floor, stretching his body up in a bridge with his head hanging down. Rubbing his eyes fiercely to make sure what he was seeing was actually happening, he blinked at the sight in front of him, confounded.

Suga’s eyes widened and he stared back at Daichi in silence, not moving from his half-upside-down pose. They stayed there for a good fifteen seconds, just staring at each other, the blood rushing to Suga’s face and slowly but steadily turning it darker and darker shades of red. The loud bang of someone’s trash can falling over outside in the wind finally startled them both from their places, Daichi blinking and Suga collapsing from his prolonged bridge, falling to the floor with a _fwump_ and knocking the wind out of his lungs.

Daichi walked into the other room curiously, not sure how to begin.

Suga struggled to catch his breath, sitting up slowly and clearing his throat. He glanced at Daichi sheepishly, looking up to meet his eyes for only a moment before looking back at the ground. “Those, uh,” he coughed to buy himself time, “those classes I’m taking, they’re uh… yoga.”

“And that means you hang around upside down on the living room floor at,” Daichi paused to glance at the clock sitting on their mantle and read the time, “two in the morning in the dark?”

“I told you it was embarrassing… I didn’t want you to know,” Suga mumbled, looking intently at the floor.

Daichi just rolled his eyes and joined Suga on the floor, kneeling down to wrap him up in a hug. “Well, I’ll probably still tease you here and there, because it’s ridiculous,” Daichi began, his voice somewhat muffled by Suga’s shoulder, and Suga barked out a laugh, “but now that I know, you don’t have to do your exercises in the middle of the night. Come on, let’s go back to bed.” He released his boyfriend and stood up, holding out his hand in a silent offer.

Suga agreed, laughing lightly in response and taking hold of the hand, letting Daichi pull him up from the ground.

Suga was still a bit red by the time they reached their bedroom, but Daichi didn’t say anything about it as they crawled back under the covers, resting heavily.

It was only in the morning that Daichi thought to wonder why Suga would be _that_ embarrassed by simple yoga classes that he’d gone to such lengths to hide it. He resolved to be extra doting and caring, and to talk to him about it later.

 

Two days before his birthday, Daichi had wandered into their shared office to ask Suga if he wanted to go out to eat. Suga didn’t notice him walk into the room, as he was busy bending over and studiously taking notes on a sheet of paper.

“Whatcha working on?” Daichi asked, leaning over Suga’s shoulder to peek at the paper. It seemed to be some kind of list, and all he saw was a few numbered items before Suga jumped, straightening up in his seat with a jerk and smacking Daichi in the nose.

Groaning, Daichi pulled back, pressing a hand to his nose to check for blood as he watched Suga yank the list away, crumpling it into a fist and hiding it from view. Did yoga classes have written exams?

“Daichi, why are you sneaking around like that? You surprised me!” Suga exclaimed, getting up from his chair and deftly sliding the list into his pocket. “Are you alright?” He asked, worried, when he saw Daichi holding his hand to his face. “Come on, let me see,” he pestered, pulling Daichi’s hand away and inspecting the slightly reddened nose.

Daichi frowned when Suga poked his nose, flinching away slightly, but Suga seemed satisfied with his examination and pulled back after a moment.

“I was just coming in to see if you wanted to go out to eat tonight,” Daichi explained, “you were so busy with whatever you were working on that you must not have heard me come in. I wasn’t sure if you had plans to go out or anything for my birthday, so…?” He trailed off suggestively, letting Suga take his statement whichever way he wanted to, hoping to hear something about Suga’s mysterious plans for his birthday.

“Yes, I have plans for your birthday dinner, but we’re not going out,” Suga responded easily, “we can go out tonight if you’d like. I wasn’t really feeling like cooking anyway, so it works out nicely.”

Daichi stopped himself from pouting when he didn’t learn anything new about the surprise, and shrugged. “Alright, why don’t you get your coat – we can go to that tofu place you like so much,” he suggested, leading the way out of the room and heading for the bowl they kept their keys in in the kitchen. He was still curious about what Suga was planning for his birthday, and what was up with that list, but figured it was only two days off – he’d find out soon enough.

“If he wants to surprise me with something he can,” Daichi said to himself firmly, mentally scolding himself for attempting to be such a party pooper and grabbing the house keys from the little heart shaped glass bowl that Asahi had given them last Christmas. He distinctly suspected that Nishinoya had egged him into getting them that _particular_ bowl.

“Did you say something?” Suga asked, walking into the room behind Daichi and zipping up his jacket.

“Ah? Oh, nothing,” Daichi said, shaking his head. “Let’s go – they close at nine, right?”

 

When Daichi’s actual birthday rolled around, Suga’s strange behavior had just about slipped his mind. By the time he got home after a long shift, hot and sweaty and exhausted, he had forgotten all about it. He probably would’ve forgotten that it was his own birthday if his squad members hadn’t been wishing him good tidings for the year all day long.

“I’m home,” he called out as he walked in the front door, shutting it behind him and slipping off his shoes. He was grateful it was Friday - he had been roped into working new years’ eve, one of their busiest days of the year, but thankfully he had the next three days off, having requested a holiday on Monday to give himself a little bit of an extra break. Not for the first time he was thankful he had the weekday shifts, and could keep his weekends to himself.

Heading down the hallway, Daichi passed by the kitchen on his way to their bedroom, spotting Suga making dinner at the stove. As he continued down the hallway, he heard Suga call out.

“Just leave your uniform out on the chair next to the bed – I’ll take it in to the cleaners tomorrow.”

“Good call – this thing is ripe,” Daichi called back, sniffing the edge of his collar and closing the door behind him as he entered their bedroom, already peeling off layers. First his hat, which he hung off the edge of the back of the chair; then his tie, pulled out with a hiss and slung across the back next to the hat. Daichi began to pull out the pins and markers that were on the front of his uniform, setting them together on their dresser along with the contents of his pockets. He hated taking things to the cleaners, especially when he was so tired he didn’t want to think of anything but sleeping for the foreseeable future; he thanked Suga silently in his mind, glad he wouldn’t have to run the errand himself later. Once he’d removed all the small extras that could get lost at the cleaners, he pulled off his jacket and shirt, letting them fall in a crumple on the seat of the chair.

Sitting down on the bed with a grunt, Daichi pulled his socks off and tossed them into the hamper in the corner of the room before added his uniform pants to the growing mound of clothes on the chair. He probably should’ve removed the belt, but he was too lazy, so he just let it hang there. If they were being taken to the cleaners, they would be ironed as well, and he wasn’t going to worry about the dirty clothes getting any wrinkles from being placed haphazardly in a pile. Once divested of his uniform he yanked off his undershirt, grabbing the back of the collar and pulling it over his head, tossing it into the hamper with his socks. Finally down to his boxers, Daichi stretched and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and an old tee shirt, pulling them on before making his way back out into the world of the living.

“Mmm, that smells amazing,” Daichi hummed as he wandered into the kitchen, coming up behind Suga and placing his arms gently around Suga’s waist. Resting his head on the shoulder in front of him, Daichi peered at what his boyfriend was making.

“That’s because it is – I’m making your favorite,” Suga chuckled warmly, pressing gently against the weight behind him. “It’s almost done – just have to put it all together. Why don’t you grab a couple of trays and we can eat on the couch?”

“Really?” Daichi asked, somewhat surprised. Suga always gave him a hard time about giving a meal its ‘proper respect,’ and always insisted on eating at the table, even though Daichi hated their hard kitchen chairs.

“Of course,” Suga chuckled, turning his head to the side to nuzzle his nose against Daichi’s cheek. “Happy birthday,” he said, giving Daichi a quick kiss.

“Mm, it definitely is,” Daichi agreed, turning to meet the kiss before withdrawing and pulling out the rarely used trays for eating on the couch. He grabbed the bowls from the shelf above, as well as a pair both of spoons and chopsticks, placing them all together on the counter. Within moments Suga had dished out the meal, which in Daichi’s opinion smelled divine and looked even better, and they were moving to sit down on the couch and relax.

As they ate, they talked quietly about how their days went, generally catching up on the events in each other’s lives. Daichi told Suga about a pickpocket brought in for their third time on petty theft charges in the midst of the insanity, and how the other officers had asked him to “talk some sense into him; you have a scary face, Daichi.” Suga laughed at the prospect, agreeing readily with Daichi’s coworkers.

As they finished off the meal, Daichi reached over to take Suga’s dishes.

“Ah, no, no, I’ll take them.” Suga slapped Daichi’s hand away, grabbing the bowls and utensils, piling them all onto one tray and putting the second tray underneath.

“But I didn’t cook, so I take the dishes – you’ll spoil me rotten, at this rate,” Daichi warned, reaching out once more for the trays.

“Nope – it’s your birthday, you’re allowed to get spoiled once a year,” Suga declared, standing up and pulling the trays out of his boyfriend’s reach once and for all. “And doesn’t that drama you like start soon? Why don’t you pull it up – I’ll be right back with desert.”

“You really know how to twist my arm,” Daichi chuckled, watching Suga go before glancing at the clock. When he realized that it actually _was_ close to the time his drama began, he quickly sought out the remote, turning on their television before settling back onto the couch.

Daichi hadn’t realized how long Suga had been gone until he found himself curled up on the couch, wrapped up in the blanket they normally kept draped over the back of the loveseat, and his drama had just concluded for the night with a tantalizing cliffhanger. Groaning at the prospect of waiting another week to find out what happened, Daichi turned to ask Suga what he thought, when he realized Suga wasn’t there.

Sitting up, Daichi frowned and tried to recall when, exactly, Suga had come back from taking care of the dishes. He had gotten so wrapped up in his drama that he hadn’t even realized how long it had been. Suga had said he was going to get desert, but surely he wasn’t baking something right then… In the midst of his confused thoughts, and about to call out to check that Suga hadn’t drowned in the sink, he heard his name called out.

“Speak of the devil, Suga, I was wondering if you’d drowned or somethi-,” his words died in his throat as he looked over at the kitchen doorway only to see Suga standing there in his police uniform. Furrowing his brow and letting out an awkward chuckle, he cocked his head. “W… Suga, what- why are you in my sweaty uniform?”

The only response he got, however, was Suga raising a finger to his mouth to shush him, and Daichi found himself obediently falling silent, watching his boyfriend intently. Suga walked over to the television, turning it off, and Daichi found his gaze focusing in on the extra sway to Suga’s hips as he moved. The uniform pants were a bit too large, he noted, but they weren’t exactly taking away from the nice view that was Sugawara Koushi’s buns.

When Daichi heard the loud sound of guitar feedback coming from the speakers, he perked up. “Is this that song you’ve been-,” he began but was only cut off once more with a shush as the lyrics began spilling out of their sound system. The first time Daichi had caught Suga listening to this song he’d been confused – angels choking on halos? Clipping wings and pulling out teeth? It sounded far more violent than Suga’s normal taste in music.

Suga walked over towards Daichi, the sway in his hips even more pronounced as he hummed along to the beat, narrowing his gaze to Daichi and only Daichi.

_I thought of angels_  
 _Choking on their halos  
 _Get them drunk on rose water  
 _See how dirty I can get them  
 _Pulling out their fragile teeth  
 _And clip their tiny wings_____

Suga situated himself directly in front of Daichi, his toes pressed flush against the edge of the couch and his hips thrust back. He pulled the hat off of his head, placing it on Daichi’s head at a slant, smirking at the result. He bent over at the waist, plucking the blanket off of his partner and throwing it behind him without a backward glance. Daichi had been curled up underneath the blanket, and as he began to voice surprised complaints about the chill, Suga placed a hand on the back of the couch to steady himself before leaning close enough to press his lips up against Daichi’s ear, whispering the words of the song.  
  
“Anything you say can and will be held against you, so only say my name,” Suga moved his other arm to wrap around Daichi’s shoulder, rubbing at the warm muscle there, “it will be held against you.” He winked at the flush in Daichi’s cheeks, reaching out to pull the tie from his collar, holding it taunt between his hands. “Anything you say can and will be held against you, so only say my name,” he continued, waggling his brows at Daichi and snapping the tie, watching as his boyfriend bit his lip in anticipation.

_If heaven's grief brings hell's rain_  
 _Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday  
 _(I know I'm bad news)  
 _For just one yesterday  
 _(I saved it all for you)____

Suga lifted his hands up and over the back of Daichi’s neck, letting them rest on his shoulders with the tie still grasped lightly between them, exerting just a bit of pressure against Daichi’s neck. Suga placed a knee up on the couch, moving to straddle Daichi’s lap with one leg to each side as he continued to sing along to the words of the song.

“Oh, I want to teach you a lesson _in the worst kind of way_ ,” he sang, moving his hips in a smooth movement, grinding against the body beneath him. “Still I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday – I know I’m bad news,” he whispered the background line against Daichi’s lips before pressing forward and kissing him, pulling back quickly.

He grinned as Daichi pouted at his withdrawal and the song declared that “letting people down is my thing, baby.” Suga winked, letting go of the tie so he could move his hands from Daichi’s shoulders to his chest, sliding down slowly before pulling back to pop open the top buttons of the uniform shirt, revealing that he’d gone without an undershirt. He continued to grind against Daichi, moving his hands up and down Daichi’s chest in nonsense patterns.

As he moved, one of his knees slipped into the gap between the cushions and threw him a bit off kilter, most of his weight shifting to land on Daichi’s left thigh before he could catch himself. The hat slipped off of Daichi’s head, falling behind the couch with the jarring movement. Playing it off as intentional, Suga pressed against Daichi’s leg, humping it and rolling his chest with the movement. It seemed like it worked, as instead of breaking into a laugh, Daichi gazed intently at Suga, letting his hands drift down to rest on Suga’s gyrating hips.

As the chorus began to be repeated once more, Suga made his move, shifting his hands behind Daichi’s neck, threading them into his hair and pressing his torso flush against his partner, scooting in as close as he could. As he felt the man underneath him push back eagerly, Suga grinned and happily pressed kisses against Daichi’s lips, jaw, cheekbones, neck, whatever he could reach without pulling back.

The song switched dramatically, the beat that ran beneath it stilling and a woman’s voice singing gently, and Suga stilled his body in response, instead deeply kissing Daichi, hands tangled in his hair and refusing to retreat. As the song picked back up, so did Suga, pulling back enough to pull the uniform shirt off with a flourish, tossing it over the side of the couch.

Once free and mostly bare, Suga dropped his hands to Daichi’s waist, resuming his grinding against Daichi’s straining sweatpants and diving in to kiss and mouth at his neck and jaw.

When the song settled down, finally finishing off, Suga slowed, pressing himself against Daichi and snuggling in close to his neck. As the final notes died off, he pressed another kiss just behind Daichi’s jawline, short and sweet, whispering a reminder in his ear, “Happy birthday. I love you.”

Daichi chuckled against him, wrapping his arms more firmly around Suga’s back and cuddling against him. Suga shivered slightly, and Daichi silently glanced over his shoulder to see where the blanket had landed. Thankfully, Suga hadn’t managed to throw it very far, and with a bit of effort, he was able to reach out his foot and catch the edge of the blanket with the edge of his toes, pulling it back across the floor and yanking it to cover the both of them. Suga’s ipod continued to play songs in the background, probably on a premade playlist as all of the other songs dropped in volume considerably.

“I love you, too,” he pressed a kiss against the top of Suga’s head fondly.

For a while, they simply laid on the couch, cuddling together underneath the blanket, comfortable. Out of seemingly nowhere, Daichi’s chest rumbled as he chuckled, moving Suga from where he laid on top of him.

“What?” Suga asked curiously, “What’s so funny? Is it because I forgot to take off the pants, because I forgot I would be kneeling on the couch,” he began to say defensively, pouting at the rumbling body beneath him.

“No, it’s not that,” Daichi said, still chuckling, “You just know how to wish a man a happy birthday _really well_ ,” he grinned. Suga smacked him teasingly, complaining that he’d put a lot of effort into it before devolving into giggles himself.

 

Later that night when they were crawling into bed, Daichi voiced something he’d been thinking about for awhile after his “birthday surprise.”

“So,” he began, pulling the sheets back and crawling underneath them, “if those weren’t yoga classes you were taking, where did you go?”

“Oh, that?” Suga asked, crawling into his side of the bed and sliding up against Daichi. “Well, believe or not, I’m not exactly an expert on lap-dances _or_ strip teases, so I took a class.”

“They have classes for that kind of thing?” Daichi asked with a start, lifting himself up on his side with an elbow to look more directly at Suga.

“You know, there’s classes for anything if you look hard enough…” Suga trailed off, pushing Daichi over so he fell back onto the bed, easily scooting forward to rest his head on his Daichi-shaped pillow.

Daichi snorted as he realized the implications of Suga’s comment, snickering as he realized that Suga had been hiding a _lap-dancing class_ from him for the last month, and had pretended that it was yoga. “So that time you were stretching in the living room at two in the morning?”

“Would you _believe_ how much stretching goes into something like this?” Suga asked, starting to snicker himself, “I was worried you’d come looking for me before I could get everything ready, I was gone so long.”

“The drama was really engaging tonight!” Daichi defended, reaching out to wrap an arm around Suga’s back and smiling as his companion nuzzled against him.

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, both of them settling down. “I’ll take your uniform to the cleaners in the morning, though – you’re right, that thing is _rank_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Am I more than you bargained for yet? *cackles off into the sunset*  
> (I can't seem to get the italics on the lyrics to work right so let's just ignore that ok wheeeee)


End file.
